Slide Show

*flips light switch off* Let me open up my case, where I keep all my precious slides. So many good memories...ah, I remember this one. There was dancing to...

"…I wanna stay lost in this moment, forever. Every moment I spend with you is a moment I treasure…"

…and the projection ends. *switches slides* Movie theater, first date. Dancing in the least likely place for me of all people to dance. The song reminds me of the previous slide…all too significant. Her arms wrapped around me like she cares. *switch* Back of the school. I felt like I could talk with her about anything. Too bad I didn't have anything to talk about at the time.

*switch*

A trial. If we could only merge our brains into one. Oh those were the days. That look on her face when she walked into the room. The notations written as if by my hand itself. So close, or maybe not. I'll never know, for all I have is --- projection cuts off --- this slide. *switch*

Holding hands. So nice to feel close to someone, even if it is only physically. Sitting in the hallway like nobody else matters. Staying awake till six in the morning, only to fall asleep lying on a cold, hard, dirty floor; yet, my arm was the warmest it has ever been. Face to face, hearing her breathe in and out. I was so content…a feeling I hadn't felt since…*switch*

Lying on the wet grass. It seems like I'm the most content in the most unlikely of places. I lean over her, protecting her from the light. We don't have to say much, that's the nice part about it. Just content, watching the dogs run around the park. I wonder if…*switch*

Grabbing her some food when she was cramming for finals…that look in her eyes, that look on her face. I've seen it before. Just for an instant, a moment, I can paint a tapestry revealing all the possibilities in that glance. Yet, all I have is a slide, a single slide, a sheet of what could and could have been. I stare at it all the time, wondering, losing myself in imagination and illusion. Then, I walk around it. As my perspective of the projection slowly shrinks to its infinitesimal thickness, I'm reminded where I am. I'm locked --- no not locked, just not willing to leave --- in this viewing room. I switch the slide…

Lunch. A lunch it took me a month to get, but that's not here in this box. Only this instant portrays the meal too much for one person. Waiting in line, I could feel the heat radiating off her. I hadn't felt that in…*slide cuts*…well, too long. I wonder when I'll be getting my next slide…

As I place the last slide back in its felt case, I take in the perfect holistic nature of them all. I realize how unfortunate it is, that most slides are from different relationships all together. Together, they paint a peaceful and calming picture. The reality, however, is that the picture isn't quite holistic as it seems.

Someday, maybe I'll forget they were different people entirely. My blurred vision will paint the ignorance needed for my eyes to perceive true beauty. Until then, however *closes case* I'll keep collecting these memories, these two dimensional snapshot treasures I hide.

Simple

Honey, these are simple arms.
Lay back, and I hold you close;
    Not with the hands of time,
    Just with these hands of mine.
At once we'll experience
Forever in an instant.

I'll show you a simple time.
Close your eyes and you will see
    The past is set in stone,
    But you are not alone.
The future is yours to change
But present is where we lay.

Welcome to a simple life.
Drift away till you're asleep
    Waking within my dream.
    Simple as it may seem,
A purgatory with you;
Sixty-thousand years go by.

And yet, something so simple
Always ends up so complex.
    Shake reality's strife
    And live a simple life.
Together in simple time,
I'll hold you in simple arms.

Rose Fields

    …and there I belong, standing alone among endless rose fields like some forlorn dream. I raise my gun-formed hand and point it at myself. I pull back my thumb; it clicks with the cracking and shattering of bone. Then, I squeeze my finger---
    "What? Bless the lord, so you really are from the future...wait, so when does this war end? You must know!" A lengthy pause draws out between the drunken pawn's question and its response. "This war?" The tattered woman slowly glances at a nearby calendar, noting the day, "The war hasn't yet begun..."
    ---His knees grew limp, then gravity took its rightful course. Although no bullet or metal had entered---or exited---his skull, part of him died. A part that no gun, no weapon, no other man could have killed. Face buried beneath petal upon petal, it seemed as though his blood had escaped all around; a red rose stained crimson appears no different than any other.
    A girl rushes though the roses to his side. To her, this boy is someone she thinks she knows. To him, this girl is someone he thought he knew. She catches the inanimate boy, attempting to shake him out of a trance. She fails. Gazing into his eyes, his soul, she does not recognize what she sees. She's taken aback. He gazes into hers; and although that soft, welcoming look remains the same, the part of him who would remember is being absorbed by the nearby roses.
    In the girl's sadness she releases and leaves, making sure not to tread upon stained flowers. As she lowers her eyes in thought, the boy raises his. Her eyes did not move him. Her sadness did not move him. The stained roses at his feet and knees did not move him. As of this singular moment, no pain, no regret, not even the razor-edged thorns bother him the least. Bones creak as he stands, and again he is alone.
    It is not that misery passes through him, but into him like an endless well. For without that weakness, he can absorb humanity's pain, its suffering, its evil, just as the stained rose petals trampled behind absorbed the sweet crimson of the past.

I'm not a writer

I am alive. Blood type A positive. Half Japanese. Half...something else.
I am a thinker. An engineer. Good at physics. Better at math.
I am easily addicted. Sometimes lonely. Sometimes influenced by that. Choice A.
I am delighted by your happiness. Confused with my own. Guided by a simple philosophy.
I am ambitious. Trustworthy. Adaptable. Honest when it counts.
I am forgetful. A door with a hinge. Sometimes open. Sometimes closed.
I am seeking the answers. Going to find them. Impervious to imperishable impediments.

However, one thing I am not is a writer. So, I think I'll stick to what I'm good at.

はじまりましょう

The air smells of nature
    And the bugs won't leave me be.
A nearby cricket rolls onto its back
    And chirps for the very last time.

Curious is the nature of thoughts,
    For they never rest.
Without sleep, lacking dreams,
    Few say curse, many say gift;
However, a gift you may return.

Do they bug you as well?
Definite yet expanding space, curving time
--- the cricket flips back ---
Destructing life or resurrecting death
Sorrow in love, fear in purpose,
Flickering light, soul of darkness,
Peace in hell, war in heaven,
Fate's mind, destiny's heart
Past, choice, present, freewill,
Future, existance;
Thought.

Hands swinging at perfect frequency
    And I'm back to nature.
The perfect geometry of the moon
    Reminds me I'm not alone.
The air smells of nature
    And the bugs won't leave me be.

Wooly Willy

Here I walk, alone, my path lighted only by
    The moonlight betrayed by my fingertips;
    And I am alive.

The moon is my escort; the wind, my keeper.
Here lies the quintessence of peace,
    Chimeric beasts held at bay
    And thoughts crystallize with resonance.

Heaven? A heaven on earth is no more a heaven
    then hell---
Blank smiles, synchronized heartbeats,
    And eyes that tremble with the earth.
I may breathe the air you breathe,
    Smell the same never fading aroma,
    Endure twin pains you struggle to fight,

But I am not with you
    You certainly not with me;
A magnet pulling at dark filaments inside
Painting silhouettes upon my person
    like an adolescent toy.

As I darken like the night above me,
The kings continue to shake the earth
And I, even among the endless crowd,
    Am still alone---
No, not heaven nor hell,
    Just wind and light,
    Crystals with perfect resonance.

Here I walk alone, my path lighted only by
    The moonlight betrayed by my fingertips;
    And I am alive.

Without Another

Time
Seamlessly runs
Straight or skewed,
Tiled stone alley
Or aimless dirt path.

Memories
Never fade
From right to left,
From innocence
    and tranquility
To anguish
    and conscience.

One
Without another
Heart, no mind
    Jubilant
    Yet empty stride.
Mind, no heart
    Memories
    That never fade.

Actions
Pave the road
Up and down,
Predictions uncertain
With hollow footprints
    Left in the wet concrete.

Waking Within A Dream [puzzle]

I thought I might die alone,
We could keep things just the same.
Could this all just be a dream,
Our lives in this concrete cage?
In your eyes your sorrow shows.

Who knows how long I've loved you,
Your eyes will hold the memory.
It's the mind against the heart
So it's fine if you can't define
The enemy that lives within.

Here in your arms, where the world
Turn all your tears to laughter,
I won't stop for the beggars;
It's the last that I'll see of you.

I'm fractured from the fall and
I'm numb to life anymore.
One thing I can tell you is
Things couldn't turn out worse
If it's our destiny.

I said, 'All beauty must die'
Above the lies and truth;
We sink as we hang our heads.

You know the way to keep me
But memory in silence only fades;
So open up your mind's eye
You were made to rise above
What you sealed inside my heart.

Though I was a failure with
Out any pride, just wave me off;
I feel the same, I feel nothing.

I need a better way of life, for
Beyond here and on to eternity -
Why, I'm swimming against the tide.
Now there's a light that shines for me.

The Probability Is Always One

Here I stand, alone, in an empty field
Of vibrant grass, bold sky, and bleeding sun.
A rose stands next to a billboard revealed:

"The probability is always one."


As two paths lay before me, the season

Gives me courage, belief, resolve, and reason.



I dash left for my heart tells me it's where
Warmth, ambrosia, and love caress my sense;
Heavenly rays of light blissfully glare
While ceaseless summers stay in present tense.


As I travel my fantasies invite

Endless passion, desire, longing, and delight.


Another left and my heart becomes mute
When I stumble upon this ill fated coin.
My rue is a chimera in pursuit
Of a restriction I willingly join.


As more paths beseech me, no tomorrow

Can sooth despair, collapse, heartache, and sorrow.


Here I stand, alone, away from the realm
Of vibrant grass, bold sky, and bleeding sun.
To persist I must suit the naive helm:
"The probability was always one."


As I flip this coin, there's only one path
Whose destination is destiny's wrath.
Now I remember I have to forget

All the regret, regret, regret, and regret.